Hello, Partus Melior, and here we go again. I currently find myself 9 wks + 5 days geriatrically pregnant.
- It turns out that my first husband was a serial adulterer, whose cheating went back to our first year of marriage. Life is full of surprises. 
- My divorce from my first husband was finalized 10-29-14 — one year to the date that I first requested it, which itself was one month after Constantine was born
- After a few years as a single mom, I remarried in June 2018 to a kind, gentle, softspoken man who has made me deliriously happy. He has no kids and had never even kissed a woman when we began dating. Sometimes, the guys who are shy and awkward with women are the right choice! We own a five-bedroom house together, a dog, a cat, a fish, and three hamsters.
- Constantine was diagnosed with high-functioning autism in 2016. He has had great success with ABA therapy. He is intelligent, verbal, precocious, and extremely energetic. His reading level is several grade levels past kindergarten.
- I never knew that life didn’t have to be perpetually stressful. I never realized just how abusive my first marriage was until I got out of it. My first husband may not have been hitting me, but he was verbally, emotionally, and materially abusive as well as coercive. I breathe a sigh of relief when I think of my escape.
- My first husband has pretty much been just as bad at co-parenting as he was at marriage. At one point he took off to Indianapolis and tried to dodge child support. I figured out where he was working and got a garnishment in on him. No one ever said he was a smart manchild.
Anyhow, NuHusband is now 40 years old, and I’m 37. I’ll be 38 when the baby is born and he’ll a few months from 41. Though I was ready to be done with kids, and he loves his stepchildren, he wanted a biological child of his own. So I agreed to do this one more time and we switched to not-trying-not-preventing in April of this year.
I found out I was pregnant on Columbus Day, after returning from my sister’s wedding in Houston. I had no idea how pregnant I was, but estimated I was 5 weeks. Did an ultrasound this past Monday thinking I was 8 weeks pregnant, but my doctor put me at 9 + 2.
We find out the gender via NIPS next week. NuHusband would prefer a boy; I told him I’m only doing this once and if he doesn’t get the gender he wants, to go pound sand. We’re not going to be one of those families that keeps trying and trying until we get the gender we want. (In my case, I’d kind of prefer a girl to a boy, but am A-Okay with either.)
I am currently hunting for a doula as the one I had for Costa’s birth is retired, and I love my OB-GYN. Hot doctor finished his residency and went back to Canada in June 2014, and I’ve only seen him once since, though we remain friends on Facebook.
That’s it for now, until next time . . .
Hard to believe that it’s been over a year since I started this blog (November 15, 2012). My doctor took my Mirena out on November 26, 2012. Now I have a beautiful son to care for, and my doctor installed a new Mirena on November 15, 2013. The circle has closed.
I’m not entirely certain of the future of this blog. I might simply use it to blog about pregnancy and childbirth in general, I might not.
The URL for this blog contains the words “partus melior,” Latin for “better birth.” I gave the blog the English title of “Journey to a Better Birth.”
I’m happy to say that yesterday, that journey came to completion. My yellow bump turned blue as my son, Serge Constantine, was born at 6:10 PM, weighing in at 9 lbs 5 oz and measuring 22.5 inches long with a head circumference of 36 cm, after 8 hours of induced labor. I had a doula-assisted birth in the hospital and though it was not completely “natural,” it was better than my last birth in just about every way imaginable.
Complete birth story with pics of Constantine (called “Costa” for short) will follow soon.
I’ve told my husband a million times that I am not, not, NOT okay with him making expenses for his stupid job. It takes him forever to put in for reimbursement, whereupon it takes his jackass boss months to pay us back, and I wind up having to play the roll of collections company. “Did you get the money from Jackass boss?” “Have you put in for reimbursement from Jackass boss?” “Has Jackass boss paid us back yet?” It’s exhausting and unfair to me, and his stupid boss really ought to just get a damned company credit card so that his employees can make these expenses on the company dime and not have to worry about reimbursement.
I caught him making expenses for his job again a few weeks ago. I confronted him about it, about why he keeps on doing it when he knows I am absolutely not okay with it. He shrieked at me like a little boy, “BECAUSE IT’S MY MONEY AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITH IT!!!” He seems to not understand that his money needs to go towards paying rent and other bills same as my money does.
9 days from my due date on this 9/11. No signs of impending labor.
Got a snippy letter from nightmare former landlady last night claiming that she will be keeping our entire deposit because we damaged the carpet. Predictable. I replied that I expect to see a receipt demonstrating that repairs really cost “in excess” of $750, because I think she’s lying through her teeth on the cost of repairs (though I did not put it in those words), and I believe she can repair those damages for much cheaper. I also told her that I’ll be pursuing the money she overcharged us with her illegal rent hike.
Now, I know for a fact that the tenants whom I helped line her up with backed out on her because of her irritability and because of their concerns with her lack of maintenance on the apartment. I kid you not, this is the text she sent me last night:
“Two People looked at the carpet and would not rent! Ur poor housekeeping which u thought was soooo funny is catching up with u!”
Wait a second… if you kept my security deposit to repair the carpet, why was the carpet an issue for these prospective renters? Why didn’t you just say, “I’ll be replacing the carpets this week, so don’t worry about that.” Could it be that something else was troubling them? Or that you never had any intentions of replacing the carpets, and are just attempting to hold onto my deposit because you’re broke and don’t really have it, let alone money to replace the carpets?
Also, my housekeeping wasn’t poor, and I don’t recall ever finding it funny when I did struggle with it. But yes. Texting juvenile taunts to someone who just informed you of their probable intentions of taking you to small claims court is totally a smart thing to do.
So, that is my life, today on this 9/11, 9 days from my due date.
Some things that I’ve talked about on this blog that I probably should have written about:
New Apartment — We are now living in a nice apartment community owned by a large rental company, a first for us in our nearly 10 years of marriage. The kind of place with a swimming pool, fitness center, and on-site playground. We’ve never rented from a large apartment community because of our credit problems and low-income (big companies tend to be pickier than small-time individual landlords), but those are finally sufficiently repaired to the point that this place said “yes” to us and offered us a lease within 7 hours of completion of our application. The apartment is 966 square feet and, between rent and utilities, probably costs us close to $1200 per month to live in. Our old apartment was just under 600 square feet and, between rent and utilities, cost $850 per month. Also came with a nightmare of a landlady who was awful to us (more on her in a second). Here is a floorplan of our new apartment:
We love that the master bedroom is connected to the bathroom. While we would love having a two-bathroom apartment even more, this is the next best thing. There are three-bedroom, two-bathroom apartments in this complex, so if we aren’t ready to buy a house in a few years, we may upgrade to that instead.
The next best thing is that I plan to turn that “Eating Area” off of the kitchen into a mini-nursery. It’s where I am going to put the baby’s crib/changer combo, toys, etc. I’ve already painted it a nice, sage green and will blog more on that later.
So far the management has been great. Very prompt about repairs, very polite.
The final week of the second trimester is here, and I cannot believe it has been two weeks since I’ve blogged. Some updates for me: Continue reading
Today I am 20 weeks pregnant. If all goes well, I am approximately halfway to holding baby Ivy or Constantine in my arms, and a mere 3-4 weeks away from the point where baby could potentially be saved if born premature.
I continue to deal with my separation. Everyone I have talked to feels that I am doing the right thing given the circumstances. I have my up days and my down days. Husband says that he doesn’t want to lose me, but shows no interest in making the changes to his life that I’ve asked him to make. I’ve reached the sad conclusion that he doesn’t love me anymore. He says he does, and I have no doubt that he has strong feelings for me, but he is completely uninterested in translating those feelings into action. And that isn’t love.
I just keep trying to think positive and visualize. Me, my daughter, my baby, the job I want to have, making a daycare routine work, living in a clean and uncluttered apartment. I’m going to make it happen.
This is how I am going to announce my pregnancy on Facebook on Sunday (face blocked out here because I value my anonymity):
I am just going to change my timeline cover photo and my profile photo to that let people notice.
Then wait for DH’s parents to be pissed that we did not tell them sooner…