I’ve told my husband a million times that I am not, not, NOT okay with him making expenses for his stupid job. It takes him forever to put in for reimbursement, whereupon it takes his jackass boss months to pay us back, and I wind up having to play the roll of collections company. “Did you get the money from Jackass boss?” “Have you put in for reimbursement from Jackass boss?” “Has Jackass boss paid us back yet?” It’s exhausting and unfair to me, and his stupid boss really ought to just get a damned company credit card so that his employees can make these expenses on the company dime and not have to worry about reimbursement.
I caught him making expenses for his job again a few weeks ago. I confronted him about it, about why he keeps on doing it when he knows I am absolutely not okay with it. He shrieked at me like a little boy, “BECAUSE IT’S MY MONEY AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITH IT!!!” He seems to not understand that his money needs to go towards paying rent and other bills same as my money does.
I offered my husband a compromise, what I thought was a very fair and reasonable one. I said we would both get on a strict allowance. He can do whatever he wants with his allowance. So if he spent and saved his allowance carefully, after a few weeks, he’ll have enough money in his account to make these work expenses he keeps wanting to make, and if he wants to give his allowance away to his idiot boss, that’s his call. He agreed to this plan. Or so he told me he did.
On Thursday afternoon, after my doctor’s appointment, our daughter’s daycare needed to be paid off and I had just gotten paid. My husband knows the login information and passwords to her online daycare site (I don’t). So I handed him my debit card and asked him to please pay for the daycare that day.
Next day I check my account. Not only did he not pay for the daycare like I asked, but he made a sizable charge that I didn’t recognize. I texted him and asked what the charge was. No reply. He texts me 30 minutes later on an unrelated matter, which means he got my text and is avoiding answering the question. So I texted, “You made a work expense on my account, didn’t you???” His reply verbatim: “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
That night he comes home with a wad of bills and tosses it at me, claiming his boss paid him back. He also comes home with a net paycheck for $349. $349 net for TWO FIFTY-HOUR WORK WEEKS. He wasn’t doing any chores at home or contributing to this family in any other way for those two weeks; all he was doing was going to this job full-time and then some. We actually lost money on him working these past two weeks because we paid more than $349 in daycare and gas for him to go to work. No warning whatsoever from him that his paycheck would be this bad.
I checked his account. ATM withdrawal (out of his paltry $349 paycheck) for the exact amount of bills that he tossed at me. His boss didn’t pay him back a dime.
Yes, that’s right folks. My man stole from his 9-months pregnant wife who is busting her ass up to her due date to save some money for her babies, then lied about it when he got caught.
I took off my wedding ring. I told him that my desire to save this marriage on a scale of 1 to 10 is now at about a 2. I am on the verge of just packing his things, turning over the Saturn title to him, and telling him to move out immediately so that I can file the separation this week or next week. Because sadly, I learned earlier this year that I won’t qualify for an ounce of state benefits so long as he’s living under the same roof as me, even if we’re “informally” separated and I have no access to his earnings. The only thing that counts is full legal separation and him moving out, and I will probably get better support from the state than I am from him right now. At least the state won’t break into my bank account and steal my money and then lie to me about it.
I’m trying to deal with the sad realization that this is never going to get better. If he treats me this way when I’m 9 months pregnant, knowing that my blood pressure has been borderline high at some of my appointments, he is never going to treat me right. And I can’t believe that THIS is what I am dealing with 3 days from my due date.
I should have listened to TLC more in high school.
I’m debating asking him to not come to my labor and delivery. It’s been 5 days since he did this and I am still furious with him. I’m not trying to be a stone cold bitch and make him miss his son’s/daughter’s delivery just to spite him. I just don’t think his presence there is going to comfort and uplift me in any way, shape or form. And given how he has done nothing but hurt me this entire pregnancy, not sure he’s really earned the right to be at the main event.
(Oh, and my pastor is going to be out of town Thursday-Friday-Saturday. With my doctor out of town until Sunday night, if I deliver on any of those days, it’s going to be a perfect storm of no support. 😦 )