Today I am 20 weeks pregnant. If all goes well, I am approximately halfway to holding baby Ivy or Constantine in my arms, and a mere 3-4 weeks away from the point where baby could potentially be saved if born premature.

I continue to deal with my separation. Everyone I have talked to feels that I am doing the right thing given the circumstances. I have my up days and my down days. Husband says that he doesn’t want to lose me, but shows no interest in making the changes to his life that I’ve asked him to make. I’ve reached the sad conclusion that he doesn’t love me anymore. He says he does, and I have no doubt that he has strong feelings for me, but he is completely uninterested in translating those feelings into action. And that isn’t love.

I just keep trying to think positive and visualize. Me, my daughter, my baby, the job I want to have, making a daycare routine work, living in a clean and uncluttered apartment. I’m going to make it happen.

The pregnancy is, as far as I know, going well. Baby continues to kick me vigorously. DD says baby kicking me is “rude,” and I guess she’s not wrong. I’ve been losing weight though, as I pretty much always lose weight when stressed. My weigh-in at my 4/8/2013 appointment was for 166 lbs.; my weigh-in at my WIC appointment on 4/25/2013 put me at 161 lbs. My scale this morning put me at 160. My next prenatal appointment is on 5/6/2013, but Dr. Sark is out of town for the month, so I’m seeing one of the other residents instead. (Judging by the photo, this resident is also cute, so lucky me. ;)) I’m kind of glad I’m not seeing Dr. Sark this month. He’d look at my weight loss and give me concern-face and try to urge me into committing to do something about it. Hopefully this other resident will be easier to slink away from.

I’ve been exercising pretty vigorously lately, either doing my Body By Trimester work-out or jogging almost every day. I figure if I’m quite possibly going to be single again in a year, I need to get back to looking my best. I realize that this is probably also contributing to my weight loss, but I just don’t care.

The second trimester feels great. Other than having a larger stomach, I don’t even feel pregnant. No symptoms outside of the return of those annoying hemorrhoids that came in when I was pregnant with DD and never fully went away (grr…). Cloth diaper assembly is going well, too.

Got the internal pads done.

Got the internal pads done.

I’ll be traveling to Atlanta in late May/early June for my SIL’s wedding. Husband and I are going to fake being a happy couple as he’s not ready to break our news to his family yet. I ordered this dress (in royal blue, tailored to knee length) for the wedding, and I can’t wait to have it.

So, that’s where I stand at the halfway point of my pregnancy. We’ll see where I am when baby is here.

Categories: Cloth Diapers, Personal, Second Trimester Symptoms, Separation | Leave a comment

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