I am doing surprisingly okay for a pregnant woman who just decided to separate from her husband of 9 years. In the past few days, I have:
- Taken my husband off of our joint checking account. As much as all of this hurts, it is a huge relief to look into my bank account and only see the charges that I know should be there.
- Begun applying for jobs.
- Applied for a few social welfare programs (WIC, food pantries, SNAP, TANF). I do have a small nest egg in the bank, and I will have an income of about ~$1000 a month from other sources, but sad experience has taught me that it’s much easier to get help with food than it is with cash or rent, so I need to supplement with food as much as possible in order to make my cash last as long as possible. My hope is that my use of these programs will be extremely temporary, and that is kind of what they’re there for.
- Had an offer from a friend to take out a small loan so that I can get my own car. I’m determined to have this be a loan and not a hand-out, so I’m not taking it until I have a job lined up.
Sadly, my extended family has been incredibly unhelpful. I live in Illinois and they live in Washington state, and most of them have been like, “You should just pack it up and move back to Washington.” Um… why? Are jobs easier to find there? Are apartments easier to get into? If you guys won’t cosign for me here, then why would you if I’m there? Everybody there has a full-time job and I won’t be getting much help on raising the children, so I don’t see why I would be better off there than here. I do get that they would love to see my children more often, but that helps them, not me.
Besides, I don’t have any interest in taking the children away from DH. DD loves her daddy and would miss him horribly, and other than sucking at providing for his children and giving their money away to his freeloading friends, he is an incredibly good father who loves to spend time with his kids.
I also have a lot of hope that this experience is going to teach him to grow up and be more financially responsible, whereupon we could reconcile. DH has already signed up for his own checking account so that I can transfer over our regular insurance and IPASS (tollway) charges. I honestly thought I was going to have to twist his arm to get him to do that like I usually do with anything involving money. There is hope.