I got my Mirena removed today. The removal was smooth enough, but so far it’s been cramp-tastic.
So, here’s the deal: I have a bit of a crush on my doctor. He’s close to my age and on the second year of his residency. He looks kind like a cross between David Anders, who played Julian Sark on Alias:
And Shawn Pyfrom, who played Andrew Van de Kamp on Desperate Housewives:
It’s not one of those “I want an affair” crushes. I totally adore my husband and he knows that I think the doc is cute. I just enjoy seeing him (in more ways than one). He’s also very friendly and seems to really care about his patients. I don’t normally see male doctors; I kind of wound up going to this one by accident. But he won me over by acting like he gave a damn, so I stuck with him.
Anyways, today was the first time for any kind of a pelvic or breast exam, and hence the first time I would be getting naked for Dr. Sark. So I was a little nervous about it, although these exams don’t usually make me nervous.
He came into the room with a post-medical student, introduced her, and said something like, “She’s going to be observing the procedure today.” I was like, “So, you’re asking me for permission for her to be here?” “Yes! I was about to get to that,” he said. Uh-huh. I really don’t mind helping to train the next generation of doctors, but I do like to be asked, and I know that doctors have a tendency to just act like the observers are normative and non-optional so that people won’t decline to have them there.
They left so that I could put on my gown. I got bored waiting for them to come back and began untying and re-tying my satin purple necktie that I was wearing with my outfit before I put on the gown. When they came back (and there was a third person, a woman, who was the attending physician, with them), I had just re-tied it, and I was like, “Can I leave the necktie on for the exam?” Dr. Sark said “Yes,” and I was like, “I’m just kidding,” and I slipped it off and set it aside.
Getting me into the footrests was a little clunky. I mentioned that I’d been tempted to take out the Mirena myself, that I’d read on the Internet where other women said they had removed it themselves. They were surprised about that. “Wow, you can really learn to do anything on the Internet,” they said.
The Mirena removal didn’t hurt much. As he was pulling it out, I began to feel cramping, and then the attending physician said, “You might feel some cramping.” Thanks for the heads up!
After the Mirena was out, they showed it to me, and I said, “Good-bye, Mirena. You were like, my best friend for three and a half years.” And then into the garbage it went.
He did a breast exam next. I joked that the last time I let a man touch my breasts, he had to marry me first, but all Dr. Sark had to do was go to college for eight years.
Then they left and let me get dressed again, and he came back and we chatted for a few minutes. I won’t be seeing him again until I get knocked up or break a leg or get the flu or something.